Thursday, June 09, 2005
9:39 PM
Somethings wrong with me today. I can feel it.
Ahh I'm so sian of my games. haha well besides the fact that my com sucks, I think DotA has lost all its appeal to me. I mean its still (a little?) fun, but well yeah I'm basically over it. Two reasons.
1) I'm too good at it =P yesh I can pwn alot of ppl and I guess its getting old thrashing all those nubcakes.
2) Singaporeans are the worse bunch ever. Every single game at least got 2+ leavers. Like they'll quit when their losing and spoil the game for the rest. I HATE leavers they completely ruin the game. Lately I've only been playing private games and a few pubbies with friends. But thats about it.
Oh yeah and I've been really deprived lately. I haven't gone out for so long that I'm dying and shrivelling up. No one ever seems to be free at night anymore, and its only at night that I'm free. Today was an exception cos i ponned 2nd half of choir, and my mom keeps making me skips choir to go to the office and help out. We fired one of the workers cos economy's bad and all. Yeah we'll probably be moving away soon. I'll really miss my house and everything and all my friends who live here. I'll miss the sneaking out we do at night to newton hawker center, and I'll miss the fun we have cycling around the area, as well as all the basketball games we played at midnight.
Card games, taiti, poker, that occasional uno and stuff. Yeah I'll miss it. Mmm reality is really harsh sometimes. I was still a little skeptical when my mom went all hysterical a few months ago that it was all over. She's very stressed managing the company with my dad nearly always away in china watching over the work there. Any as I type my dad is sleeping alone in his hotel room in China. Poor dad.
I'm suddenly really determined to study hard, cos I know I'm gonna lose the opportunity to utilise all that I have now. I really don't have time in this environment anymore. Heck, I'll handle things when they come, and I'll never be down or regret what I've done.
But still...I feel sad. And being with Mike today and sort of living a few more moments of what we have now is quite painful. Made me happy yet sad. I'm so disgusted with myself. I think I should have spent that time studying more? And I think i should be spending this time on the computer studying instead. Yeah. Mom's really stressed. Dad's really stressed. Their struggling to afford my sister's school fees in HK. And I might not go anymore cos of financial problems.
But thats okay, I'll survive here. My mom told me I'll probably stay with a close friend and live there for the rest of the year if we move out before my O's, because I really have to complete them. And with this really haggard expression on her face, she also said that from now on its my road ahead, and I'll have to watch out for myself becos my parents can't anymore.
I know what I have to do and I'm gonna do it. I'll stay on here alone if I have to, and I'll do my best from now on. I will try to excel in Singapore, even though its a competitive place. And of course the eventuality is still me leaving Singapore for HK and China, and as my parents do not want me to go for National Service, I will be skipping it and sort of "running" away back to HK. Thank goodness I have my dual nationality. And yeah, I'll never be allowed back in Singapore cos I'll be imprisoned under martial law if i ever show up at the airport after leaving Singapore to evade NS.
I'll be sad when that time comes, but hey, that life. I'll miss my dear friends then, and so I gotta make the most with them now. Yeah I'll remember you guys. But hey, I'm not leaving yet. Its a good 3 years from the "parting" of ways. I'll treasure every moment I spend with you guys. Everyone I know, you've done loads to shape me through your actions. I sometimes feel like a sculpture, with the many artists being everyone around me, and this society I'm in. I'm a product of everything I've interacted with in this life. Yeah there's always some bit of me that'll remind me of one of you. I'll never forget.
